


Cray-cray

by TheIcyMage



Series: Transcendence AU [8]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gravity falls transcendence au - Freeform, Transcendence AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 15:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7646275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIcyMage/pseuds/TheIcyMage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Be careful what you say-say, or people will think you're cray-cray. Too bad Dipper Doesn't have a choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cray-cray

Ugh. Sleepovers. Dipper had seen many things too disturbing to grace with description, and that was in popular literature alone. And yet, he would rather face listening to some overzealous teenage girl read a specimen of said literature than have to attend another of Mabel's sleepovers. Especially when a bob of short blonde hair gave away that she was one of the guests.  
He was actually considering answering a summon that was teeming with signs of a certain novel’s enthusiast when a gruff, passionate voice recited lines that made his retreat a moot point.  
“‘Mizar gasped as the flame ignited. For a flicker of a moment, the hues of the fire seemed transparent and blue, and a wave of icy air sent a chill up her spine. She looked up into the boy’s eyes and froze. Maybe it was the warm glow of the fire, but his eyes seemed to flicker with gold. In a shaking, uncertain breath, she said’- OH HI DIPPER!”  
He slowly crept into the room. Then glared at the book in her hands.  
“Seriously, guys? You're reading that garbage?”  
There was an echo to his words, but the timbre was more feminine and snotty than otherworldly.  
“No sleep over is complete without garbage romance novels.” Grenda defended.  
“But did you have to pick that one?”  
Again, the echo that he didn't request. He stared at the source.  
“Of course. Because it annoys you.” Pacifica grinned, “Jinx, by the way.”  
“I’m not that predictable.” Same echo  
“Double jinx. And I think that speaks for itself.”  
“Ooh! A double jinx.” Grenda cheered.  
“I think you should consider following the rules. It won't take long to end.” Candy looked up from her own copy of that book.  
“No way. She could only do that because you all know how I get with Twin Souls. From this point-Dangit, Pacifica!”  
She smiled innocently. “Candy’s right. The only way this will end is if you take the jinx.”  
It was a stupid game, but with how many summons he got, he could break out of the jinx in an instant. Plus, Mabel appeared to not be in the room, so he could just wait for his sister to get back and hope she wasn't updated. He sighed and nodded at Pacifica.  
“Great! But the normal rules are too easy. Let's make this more interesting.”

“W͕h̙̬̝͓̖̠y͙͙̩̜ ͙̣̭̫͞y̞͖͉̱̟̝o͏̮u͡ͅ ̱͎a̗̯̫͢ck̵͖̪̩̤̜̬i̞n’̫͇̱̫ ̷͙̥͉̳̘̺ͅs̭̼̱̣ò̺͈̳̹͍͖̹ ̖̕c̱̬̪̺̟r̤̹̪͚͚̠ạ̳͔y̭̣̭-͖̮̪̻̪̟̠c̥̲̫̜r̙a҉̭y̤?” The words bounced thinly through the small bedroom. A teenager looked back at him. For a flicker of a moment, the teen squinted at him in confusion. Before fear took over again.  
“I guess it would seem a little overboard to summon a demon for this, but what I want is important to me. There is this costume party and a girl I like is going to be there and I have to give her this mix tape. So can you give me a costume? Nothing elaborate or extravagant. Maybe a pilgrim costume? And a cape that can make me invisible when I want it to. The invisibility part can just be for today, or you can just leave that part out if what I have to offer doesn’t cover it. Oh, right. I’m offering this book on architecture for the costume. If..if that’s enough.”  
“Why you ackin’ so cray-cray?” the book was enough. He sympathized with the teen. Unfortunately all that came to mind that would be a sufficient exchange for the book looked as much like a lawn gnome as it did a pilgrim. Well, gnomes could be..colorful enough for a good costume.  
“I’m not..Why are you acting so....Never mind. Do we have a deal or not?”  
Alcor held out his hand in response. Hopefully the blue fire would communicate it well enough.  
The teen took it. “Okay. Deal, I think?”  
Dipper nodded. Out of habit, the word, “d͟e̕a҉l,” wanted to push itself out of his throat. He swallowed it, but since he had already started to speak, other words were forced out, “Why͡ you ̀a̢ck̷in'͟ ͝so̢ c̶ray̶-̀c̕ra̕y?”  
They stared at each other, each with blank stares. Flustered, it took Dipper two long minutes to remember that he could leave. A tiny head with a tea kettle on it was approaching the bedroom door as he blipped out.

The next summon he answered brought him to a dimly lit room. It smelled like mold and desperation and blood. Sure enough, there was a ring of ominous fools shrouded in black and several feet away from him was a body with red leaking out of an arm. He stared at the body for a while until a cough snapped his focus.  
Nope. He was not dealing with another of these. He gestured to the body and asked, “Wḩy͘ ̸yóu a̵cki͏n̛'̢ so̢ c̶r͡a҉ý-͏cr̡a͠y̶?̶”  
No one gave him an answer. He glared at each cultist before tethering off to his next summon.

Dipper could taste the urgent need of his next summoner. She was shaking.  
“I have a bad pancreas. The wait list for donors is too long. I don’t care what it takes; I need my pancreas replaced with a healthy one.”  
He throat tied in a knot saying it. “Why you ackin’ so cray-cray?”  
Her face went from pale to vibrant red. “Why am I so ‘cray-cray?’ Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’ll die if I don’t get a replacement. Maybe because people depend on me and I can’t abandon them. Are you here to take advantage of my situation or are you here to patronise me?”  
Wow. Part of him, a part he hated and had to push even further back, wanted to shake her hand and leave a new, healthy pancreas in her hand while he took the old one as payment. But his omnisciousness told him that she was earnest and she clearly was in no clear state of mind.  
He paused for a moment to think. This wasn’t really his department and he couldn’t well negotiate with her at this time. And if he tried he may be pushed to do what he was actually thinking of doing. Then a solution came to him.  
Rather than speak he shook his head and left. A cloud of smoke puffed out in his grand exit. It formed the outline of an unusual duck. When the lady looked down, the chalk circle had changed. The words, “Try Brian,” were written outside the circle’s perimeter.  
Dipper had run into the demon before and had heard about many of the positive outcomes of his exchanges. Brian would be suspicious of him for giving away deals but he would give the summoner a fair exchange. Hopefully. 

The next summoner Dipper recognized as one of Cassie’s friends. She was in a panic about an essay. Dipper wanted to help her, really. But it was hard when all he could offer as advice was a cheap reference to some talk show. The way she exploded at him was justified and he felt horrible. Maybe if he could get her to… Then he could help her. He tried again.  
“Why you ackin’?”  
“Get out,” she snapped.  
“...So cray-cray?” He sighed and fell back on the wall of the shack-no, library’s gift shop.

News spread. Some thought it was a prank. Some said it a curse. Some suggested that the show of that same title could be making a comeback and Sassica could have made a deal with Alcor for advertising. A Whistle from her niece, Raven Smone’s Whistler account assured everyone that her aunt was, sadly, long retired.

“What’s got you down, kid?” Stan passed his nephew on his way to check something in the library. Dipper wasn’t in the mood to point out that whatever contents of the can he was holding shouldn’t go anywhere near priceless tomes. Instead, he groaned, “Why you ackin’ so cray-cray?” “Cray-cray? Is that some hip way of saying I'm selling fish? I'm offended. Go wash your mouth with soap!” Dipper watched in dismay as his relative left, muttering to himself, “Calling me a fishmonger. Kids and their dubsteps and Shakespearean Parseltongues. And their Monstermon Move. Move? Move where?”  
When he was out of the kid's view he sighed and let out a moan. This was clearly troubling the kid, but he knew Dipper was strong enough to overcome it. He'd give it a week before Dipper found a way out of the jinx or Mabel caved and broke it herself, with or without the promise to get along with all of her slumber party guests. The hefty bribe from the Northwest girl was just icing on the cake. Joke’s on her; Mabel had been watching the show for years and he still hadn't gotten it's tagline right. 

Then a summon came from a certain ice cream-wielding student. No doubt furious about how he treated her friend.

“Hey, Dipin’ Dots,” the girl started before he could get a word in, “Why you ackin’ so cray-cray?”  
The demon paused. His wings twitched, open then closed. Then a golden tear spread across his face and he said the first words that felt like his own in ages. “Thank you.”


End file.
